At the gym with Timothée Chalamet
I only go to look at the people
Timothée was in the gym today, working hard on the cable machine and then doing this adorable thing he does, when he leans against a pillar and stretches out his shoulders.
No one else does that and I particularly like it because the pillar is in my direct eyeline from the rowing machine.
He always wears big baggy grey marle trackies, so I’m sure he’s gym-committed because he thinks he’s too skinny and I do so want to tell him:
‘Darling, its your wafer-like wafty elegance that is so enchanting, combined with your fine features and romantic curly hair falling all over your face… Also, has anyone every told you, you’re a dead spitter for Timothée Chalamet?’
Because it’s not the real TC, of course, just one of my favourite eye candies at my local cut-price gym.
The only other regular in today was NDC – Neuro Diverse Chap – who seems to pretty much live there. I go at different times and he’s always there.
Sometimes just sitting on one of the bicycles, looking around, or toying with the pectoral fly, while looking around...
He's my only competition in the people watching stakes, I reckon. Mostly, I think he’s waiting for his special friend to come in, who is a lovely older lady with very black hair covered in tattoos. Elvira.
They chat for hours, it’s really lovely to see. Everybody loves NDC and the Personal Trainers tease him in a really nice blokey way. Without wishing to be patronising, he’s kind of the gym mascot.
Someone I was surprised not to see today was Tom of Finland.*
He’s about 6’2 and has the most perfect butch – built but not Muscle Mary – physique I’ve ever seen. His grey/white hair is a buzz cut and he always works out in shorts, a singlet and builder-type boots. He looks like he’s just come off the construction site, or the ranch, to do his work out.
His musculature defies belief and I can’t help staring at him, which he has noticed – and he loves it. He parades around a bit between sets.
I do wonder, though, if he realises he’s a gay icon. It’s impossible to tell which way his personal preferences lie. He could really be the built builder of hot imagination – or a member of Village People.
I am plucking up courage to speak to him. He is a bit scary, but I will do it one day, although it does take courage to approach total strangers with massive muscles.
Once my husband was at the gym with me and one of the wide-as-high body builder guys was on one of the cable machines and I wanted to ask him if I would be in his way, if I used the other side.
‘Don’t talk to him!’ my husband said in terror, but it was too late, I was asking.
‘Of course, darling,’ said Wide-as-High, in the campest voice you’ve ever heard.
So, you just never know in there.
Another chap who particularly fascinates me is Rishi – I hope that’s not racist, but like our Prime Minister, his racial heritage is clearly of the sub-continent and he’s a compact chap.
He’s the strongest man in the gym. I reckon he could lift more than Tom or Wide-as-High.
I watched him once pushing weights along on the sled, a kind of metal upside table that you push along an 8 metre (or so) track. He was pushing twice my bodyweight. At a run.
But the one I most long to see on every gym trip is Mr Cool. Le Sigh Sigh Sigh. He’s part of a group I call the Three Amigos, because they always come in together.
The first time I noticed him he was working a kind of Venice Beach 1974 ensemble, with board shorts, white ribbed socks with two stripes round the top, pulled up, a vintage polo shirt in Opal Fruit colours and a reversed baseball cap.
I assumed that was his groovy retro workout style.
Then the next time I saw him he was wearing a vintage Adidas track suit. Red. I nearly fainted in admiration. The time after that he was in all black, socks pulled up, black trainers. Black baseball cap, the right way round.
Women also go to my gym, apparently.
*If you don’t know who I mean by Tom of Finland, it’s all here - but I should warn you, some might find it quite racy. There is much visual celebration of the glory of the male member... I love his work, but it is quite rich, er, meat.