How can I not know my own shoe size?

It's not like I haven't had much practise shoe shopping

This is a reposting of one of my columns from Good Weekend/The Times, which came out originally on January 22, 2007.

I’ve updated it a little bit, because I couldn’t help myself.

(I’m putting up in advance before my surgery, because I don’t know how long I’ll feel out of sorts for and don’t want to leave you all in the lurch.)

‘Act your age, mama, not your shoe size…’

It’s one of my favourite lines in pop music (from Kiss by Prince), but it always throws up a question for me: what the hell is my goddam shoe size?

If only they measured adults’ feet for shoes the way do children’s, my liefe would be so much simpler. You would think someone wth my extensive experiece of buying footwear would be better at it by now, but still I snap up gorgeous shoes and boots only to discover one I’m home that they are way too small or big to wear.

Too big is worse somehow. If shoes are too small you simply can’t wear them because of the hobbling pain and the risk of permanent toe-crumpling damage. The best …